Thursday, May 19, 2011

Alpha Moms Unwittingly Build Alpha Mean Girls

It is not always a conscious thing, sometimes producing a bully starts with good intentions. Many moms want to be perfect. Look perfect. Be seen with the perfect group of perfect moms. They want their daughters to be viewed as beautiful, polite, well-behaved, compassionate, smart, athletic and more.

This takes an ugly left turn when Alpha moms (not all but some) start over-orchestrating who their child plays with regularly and get overly involved in her image.  When mothers begin to evaluate various social options/events/invitations and help their child assess which one is the best "fit" for Susie, it becomes a problem.  Similarly, if Susie's mom strategically befriends the "cool girls' " moms , she could be on her way to demonstrating to her daughter, that popularity is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. This is a stepping stone to bullying.  You may say "huh?"

Let me explain.  Our children model us in every way, particularly girls.When young girls see Mom, opportunistically looking for the best invitation, making sure she always has the best outfit and talking about acquaintances and friends with clear criticism and judgment in order to improve her status socially, it rubs off.

Similarly, it sends a message that popularity is really the most important thing. From there, Susie starts to determine how to be popular. Susie finds out judging other girls and gossiping is a way to popularity.

It is starting earlier and earlier.  If you know someone like Susie's mom, share my favorite quote from Eleanor Roosevelt with her, she might actually think about it:

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."

For more information on stopping bullying, visit:

1 comment:

  1. Unwittingly? How about willful participation by aggressive mothers who are overly inovlved in their daughter's lives, living narcissistically through their own children and bullying the girls they perceived as their competition? Just plain pitiful.