Thursday, September 29, 2011

Stopping Bullying In Schools: Consequences are Effective!

While bullying prevention programs are critical, schools are really lost when it comes to treating the immediate, acute and ongoing problem: active bullies.

There are literally hundreds of fantastic bullying prevention programs and groups making great progress out there in preventing children from bullying. BRAVO and please continue that hard work! Unfortunately, the other key part of the equation is all but ignored in schools: CONSEQUENCES FOR THE BULLY.

I think most folks are quite clear that once a bully has begun to bully, if he/she is not stopped early, introspects and understands why bullying is damaging to both the victim and himself, he/she will continue bullying.

Herein lies the problem. Children who have experimented with bullying can still be re-directed by prevention programs. Unfortunately, there are literally hundreds of thousands seasoned bullies age 9-18 out there who are completely unaffected by prevention programs.

The only way to reform a seasoned bully is with clear consequences that force he/she to understand life will be less fulfilling, interesting and enjoyable or downright scary if he/she continues to bully. In fact, most bullies won't change until they stop feeling "invincible" and break the bullying habit.

As with any child, most bullies fall into a routine/habit and can't stop. Like any other bad habit, they can't stop until they want to stop.

Which is why parents/communities/schools need to add "teachable consequences" into their anti-bullying programs.

Bullies tend to be narcissistic and won't understand anything unless it is presented in such a way that clearly demonstrates how harmful bullying will be to them.The answer to this dilemma for schools and parents? Provide consequences that illustrate the scary path a bully will go down if they continue to bully.

Bullies need to know about 60% of seasoned bullies will be incarcerated or charged by the time they are 24 yrs old. This is true across all socioeconomic status.

What To Do? Based on number and gravity of offenses, use the following types of consequences:

  • Require bullies to research the topic and understand the impact of bullying
  • Mandate that they write an essay how why bullying is horribly damaging for victims as well as bullies
  • Make volunteer service in homeless shelters where former victims and bullies reside to better understand how bullying affects adults
  • Initiate visits to reformed gang members where the bully can learn how bullying translates to crime and tragedy
  • Create an in-school service model where bullies are forced to clean/perform work around the school that are reserved for only bullying offenses and where other children see them
  • Require commitment letters to be written by the bully that promise to stop the bullying and provide clear action steps outlining how the bully will change their behavior and attitudes
  • Probation programs with a school probation officer have worked well too
  • Meetings with a police officer who outlines the law, the effects of bullying on victims and bullies articulating the fact that bullying is a crime and charges can be pressed are very effective
There are many other highly effective ideas that work well too.

If you do nothing else today, share the above with your school and help them get started. You will see a difference quickly in the level and frequency of bullying in your schools. See our book for much more on this topic.

"When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions For Parents and Educators" is available on and

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Stopping Bullying: Most Important Tips

When Your Child Is Bullied: Real Solutions for Families
By: J.E. DiMarco and M.K. Newman
"Most Important Tip List:

       ·        Do not tell your child to ignore the bullying
·       Reassure your child that he/she will be protected and you will not stop until there is a complete    
           solution in place
·       Document all facts of each instance of bullying
·       Develop a plan to stop the bullying with the school. Work respectfully and collaboratively, but   
           aggressively with the school to develop a plan. Make certain you, as the parent, lead the 
          solution and play a very active role.
·       Use all of your community resources:
     a.     School social workers/guidance counselors
     b.     Teachers
     c.     Superintendent
    d.     School Board
    e.     School nurse
    f.      Therapists/psychologists
    g.     Coaches
    h.     Members of law enforcement
    i.      Attorneys
·       Act quickly, comprehensively and early.  The longer the bullying goes on, the more difficult the      
           situation becomes for your child and your family.
·       There are real solutions that work, be persistent
·       Never: allow your child to participate in “peer to peer resolution”, this only re-victimizes the 
           victim and angers the bully

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Stopping Bullying Everywhere: Real Solutions To Bullying Available Today

Vivisphere Logo
New York
September 7, 2011
For Immediate Release
Contact: Julie Baron
Communication Works


A Blueprint for STOPPING the Bully in Our Classrooms,
Communities, and Online   

NEW YORK, Sept. 7, 2011- Vivisphere Publishing announces the release of a new book: "When Your Child is Being Bullied: Real Solutions for Parents, Educators and Other Professionals."  This timely title, co-authored by J.E. DiMarco and M.K. Newman, is a step-by-step guide offering real solutions and tools to stop the torment of bullying for individual children in acute cases as well as full school-wide programs designed to prevent, identify and remediate bullying.  
The current statistics on bullying are startling and unsettling:
  • Every 7 minutes a child is bullied
  • 85 percent of the time, there is no intervention of any kind
  • Bullying is the #1 reason for suicide between the ages of 11 and 16
  • 60 percent of seasoned middle school bullies are indicted or charged with a crime by the time they reach 24 years old

This book  provides specific details on how to define, identify, and stop bullying, as well as caring for your bullied child and your family. Authors DiMarco and Newman dispel commonly held myths about bullying that include ignoring the bully; conflict resolution (bringing the bullied and the bully together to hash things out); and handing out school suspensions/ detentions.  They offer proven strategies  for moving in swiftly and comprehensively to rehabilitate the bully with a plan of "teaching consequences" designed to compel bullies to be introspective, understanding, and to cease their bullying.  Similarly, their recommendations truly protect victims. 

According to John Halligan, internationally respected anti-bullying speaker/advocate and parent, "Currently, there are not any manuals on how to stop your child's torment at the hands of a bully and get back to happiness.  This book will walk you through how to solve your child's issue in an easy to understand and practical way."   

"When Your Child is Being Bullied: Real Solutions for Parents, Educators and Other Professionals" is a no-nonsense resource that summarizes each chapter with workable solutions. The final chapter provides a detailed plan on how to navigate community politics and implement anti-bullying policies and protocols as well as collaborating and partnering within school districts.

For every parent, educator, administrator, guidance counselor or concerned adult looking for answers, this book is an invaluable reference tool conceived to combat the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that define the life of the bullied.   There is hope, and there is help. Bullying can be stopped.

The book is available for $17.99 through major distributors, Vivisphere Publishing, and bookhitch. The title can also be purchased