Lasting Effects of Bullying; Dad takes Action

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com www.SolutionsforBullying.com

Lasting Effects of Bullying; Dad takes Action

The last bullying episode we had with our child was just about a year ago and things have been going along smoothly.  And then it happened.  Wham – we were hit in the head with some residual pain and long term unresolved issues. 

We were at a local restaurant when the bully’s family walked in.  Within a few minutes our child spotted them and got up, excused himself and went into the car.  I immediately recognized what had happened and discussed it with my husband.  In the book I discuss how my husband was not really onboard with what should have been done about the bullying itself but as time has gone on, he has recognized that the “kids will be kids stuff” really was much more than even he realized.   He now sees the lasting effects it has had on our child.

Dad (yes Dad) took action!

As we drove home my husband asked what had happened and gave our child some great guidance.  My husband said to our child not to run from situation, instead have the attitude that “you own the place”, hold your head high and be confident.  He even did a little role play with our child pretending it was the first day of school and the bully is there.  They discussed what to do and the positive, self-confident attitude he needs to exhibit.   

Observe your child; is he or she avoiding other children or adults?  Is your child different than before the bullying ever took place?  If so, it needs to be addressed with your child.

Just like the bullying incidences, do not ignore the residual effects of bullying.  Discuss it with your child, discuss action steps on what should happen (you own the place) and if necessary seek professional help from a medical doctor, social worker….  Do not let a bully take control of your child’s life even after the bullying has stopped.   They bully does not deserve to have any power over your child even after the bullying has stopped. 

Do the parents of the bully know their child is a bully?

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com http://www.solutionsforbullying.com/

Do the parents of the bully know their child is a bully?

A father was telling us a story about a friend of his that said to him “Why didn’t you tell me my child was a bully?”   This question came up after the father addressed the issue of not wanting to vacation with the family of the child that was doing the bullying.  The father replied “how did you not know?” 

We are often asked the question if the parent’s of the bully know their child is a bully.  Early on in our search for solutions to bullying we asked a leading child psychologist and bullying expert this question and his answer was “yes – they know”.  They know their child has behavior issues that should be addressed more frequently but for whatever reason they do not.  Maybe it is too uncomfortable, maybe they are afraid of their child, maybe it is easier not to address it and pretend the problem does not exist, maybe if they address the issue it will be a negative reflection on the child and the parents….

So what do we do when we are in a similar situation?  In our book we talk about addressing the issue with the other parents.  If is done in a professional, non-threatening manner the issue is out on the table for what is hopefully a healthy, constructive conversation that will generate a solution. 

It is an uncomfortable position to be in but with a little mental rehearsing, just like we do with our children when we discuss with them on how to stand up for themselves, it  could have a very positive outcome.  The issue is addressed, the parents of the bully know your concerns as it relates to the treatment of your child and hopefully positive steps are taken to resolve the problem.  Be warned that it sometimes takes a few conversations with the other parents to make this stick. 

Together we can find a solution!