Why Can't Media Folks Cover The Bullying Problem AND Solutions?

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com www.SolutionsforBullying.com

I frequently scratch my head at this. The good news: Media folks have done a tremendous job identifying that the U.S. has a various serious bullying problem and the depth of the problem.

The bad news: solutions for bullying are never covered.  There are solutions that work well! Hundreds of them! There is an army of experts, advocates, professionals and volunteers out there everyday working hard and actually making progress against the bullying epidemic.

Please do not misunderstand, revealing and demonstrating the problem is critical and should continue without question.  My only concern is that solutions are not focused on as well.

As examples, our team can speak to 20 different school districts and school systems that have successfully decreased bullying dramatically in the last 3 years. Similarly, I can share several handfuls of key stories where severe bullying issues were resolved with happy endings.

Again the exposure to the problem is crucial, but providing working solutions would provide hope and clearly, motivation. We can do this. There are strategies and tactics that work!

Let's all start taking a problem-solution approach and start motivating people!

For more on this topic and clearly effective solutions for both individual cases of bullying as well as compelling and proven solutions for schools, see our book, "When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions For Parents, Educators and Professionals"  at www.solutionsforbullying.com and amazon.com.

Where are the parents?

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com http://www.solutionsforbullying.com/

Where are the parents?

While spending a wonderful Saturday at the park with my sons I was abruptly awaken out of my afternoon bliss by a stick to the head.  Two 10ish year old boys were throwing sticks at an injured squirrel in a tree above me.  I politely asked them to stop several times as the sticks kept hitting my family and the already injured squirrel.  After requesting the kids stop no less than five times one of my sons said “where are there parents?”  Good question.  When I asked them they said “I do not know” and continued to torture the poor squirrel. 

Bullying usually occurs when the parents or adults are out of site.  Bathrooms, the bus, the playground and after school walking home are perfect places for children to be bullied since there are few, if any adults around.  What makes it even more complicated is that sometimes the bully acts like a prefect angel in front of adults and his/her parents.

So what is a parent to do?  Talk to your children and make them aware of when and where bullying most likely happens.  This information may help them make better choices on where to position themselves– perhaps to sit at a lunch table close to the lunchroom staff or a seat in the bus close to the bus driver.  Also, find out from your school who is in charge of the lunchroom, the playground, before and after school grounds monitoring.  Make sure your child knows who is in charge during the times.  If they are bullied or observe someone being bullied, have them inform the adult in charge and you.   

As a side note, according to a study done by the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) and Northeastern University, animal abusers are five times more likely to commit violent crimes against another.  Yes, I know it is “only” a squirrel but as another observant and caring parent at the park said to me “today it is a squirrel, tomorrow it is a cat, and ten years from now it is a human”. 

Stopping Bullies From Tormenting Your Child: Key Steps For Parents

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com www.SolutionsforBullying.com



When parents or members of the media ask us: "What are the most important steps to take if one finds out their child is being bullied?" It is really simple, but takes some tenacity and determination from a parent to stop their child's torment comprehensively and quickly:

The key steps:

• Get the full story and all of the facts quickly
• Stay as calm as you can, but be assertive
• Document the incidents in writing with dates, participants and descriptions
• Call the principal and teacher team for a meeting quickly
• Bring your documentation and your most respectful, yet determined, self to the meeting
• At the meeting:
• Require the parents of the bully be informed of his/her behavior
• Require the bully and his parents sign a document (see our family contract in our book, "When Your Child Is Being Bullied:Real Solutions" ) that guarantees all bullying, speaking about the bullied child/bullying incidents and malice will cease immediately
• Require that both the bully and the bullied child move on from the incident and agree to be civil to one another moving forward (they don't have to be friends, but must be respectful)
• Never have the bully and the bullied child hash it out in a "peer to peer conflict resolution" meeting - this only re-victimizes the victim and makes the bully angrier

If the above does not work immediately, see our additional recommendations in the book. Frequently the above is enough, but often times it is not and we have many more recommendations that will work well.

 In our book, When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions (www.solutionsforbullying.com), outlines a full plan (yes, unfortunately you will need it - these things tend to be messy and complicated) designed to be customizable to your child's specific needs and their specific challenge.


When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions is available on www.amazon.com and www.solutionsforbullying.com

Stopping Bullying In Schools: Consequences are Effective!

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com www.SolutionsforBullying.com

While bullying prevention programs are critical, schools are really lost when it comes to treating the immediate, acute and ongoing problem: active bullies.

There are literally hundreds of fantastic bullying prevention programs and groups making great progress out there in preventing children from bullying. BRAVO and please continue that hard work! Unfortunately, the other key part of the equation is all but ignored in schools: CONSEQUENCES FOR THE BULLY.

I think most folks are quite clear that once a bully has begun to bully, if he/she is not stopped early, introspects and understands why bullying is damaging to both the victim and himself, he/she will continue bullying.

Herein lies the problem. Children who have experimented with bullying can still be re-directed by prevention programs. Unfortunately, there are literally hundreds of thousands seasoned bullies age 9-18 out there who are completely unaffected by prevention programs.

The only way to reform a seasoned bully is with clear consequences that force he/she to understand life will be less fulfilling, interesting and enjoyable or downright scary if he/she continues to bully. In fact, most bullies won't change until they stop feeling "invincible" and break the bullying habit.

As with any child, most bullies fall into a routine/habit and can't stop. Like any other bad habit, they can't stop until they want to stop.

Which is why parents/communities/schools need to add "teachable consequences" into their anti-bullying programs.

Bullies tend to be narcissistic and won't understand anything unless it is presented in such a way that clearly demonstrates how harmful bullying will be to them.The answer to this dilemma for schools and parents? Provide consequences that illustrate the scary path a bully will go down if they continue to bully.

Bullies need to know about 60% of seasoned bullies will be incarcerated or charged by the time they are 24 yrs old. This is true across all socioeconomic status.

What To Do? Based on number and gravity of offenses, use the following types of consequences:

• Require bullies to research the topic and understand the impact of bullying
• Mandate that they write an essay how why bullying is horribly damaging for victims as well as bullies
• Make volunteer service in homeless shelters where former victims and bullies reside to better understand how bullying affects adults
• Initiate visits to reformed gang members where the bully can learn how bullying translates to crime and tragedy
• Create an in-school service model where bullies are forced to clean/perform work around the school that are reserved for only bullying offenses and where other children see them
• Require commitment letters to be written by the bully that promise to stop the bullying and provide clear action steps outlining how the bully will change their behavior and attitudes
• Probation programs with a school probation officer have worked well too
• Meetings with a police officer who outlines the law, the effects of bullying on victims and bullies articulating the fact that bullying is a crime and charges can be pressed are very effective

There are many other highly effective ideas that work well too.

If you do nothing else today, share the above with your school and help them get started. You will see a difference quickly in the level and frequency of bullying in your schools. See our book for much more on this topic.

"When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions For Parents and Educators" is available on www.amazon.com and www.solutionsforbullying.com

Stopping Bullying: Most Important Tips

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com www.SolutionsforBullying.com

When Your Child Is Bullied: Real Solutions for Families

By: J.E. DiMarco and M.K. Newman

"Most Important Tip List:

       ·        Do not tell your child to ignore the bullying
·       Reassure your child that he/she will be protected and you will not stop until there is a complete    

           solution in place
·       Document all facts of each instance of bullying
·       Develop a plan to stop the bullying with the school. Work respectfully and collaboratively, but   

           aggressively with the school to develop a plan. Make certain you, as the parent, lead the 

          solution and play a very active role.
 
·       Use all of your community resources:
     a.     School social workers/guidance counselors
     b.     Teachers
     c.     Superintendent
    d.     School Board
    e.     School nurse
    f.      Therapists/psychologists
    g.     Coaches
    h.     Members of law enforcement
    i.      Attorneys
 
·       Act quickly, comprehensively and early.  The longer the bullying goes on, the more difficult the      

           situation becomes for your child and your family.
 
·       There are real solutions that work, be persistent
 
·       Never: allow your child to participate in “peer to peer resolution”, this only re-victimizes the 

           victim and angers the bully
 
 
 

Bullying Book Offers Real Solutions That Work

Bullying Book Offers Real Solutions That Work

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.comwww.SolutionsforBullying.com

Stopping Bullying Everywhere: Real Solutions To Bullying Available Today

SolutionsforBullying@gmail.com www.SolutionsforBullying.com

New York September 7, 2011 For Immediate Release Contact: Julie Baron Communication Works Jbaronworks@aol.com 847-818-0782 BULLYING BOOK OFFERS REAL SOLUTIONS THAT WORK  A Blueprint for STOPPING the Bully in Our Classrooms, Communities, and Online    NEW YORK, Sept. 7, 2011- Vivisphere Publishing announces the release of a new book: "When Your Child is Being Bullied: Real Solutions for Parents, Educators and Other Professionals."  This timely title, co-authored by J.E. DiMarco and M.K. Newman, is a step-by-step guide offering real solutions and tools to stop the torment of bullying for individual children in acute cases as well as full school-wide programs designed to prevent, identify and remediate bullying.       The current statistics on bullying are startling and unsettling: Every 7 minutes a child is bullied 85 percent of the time, there is no intervention of any kind Bullying is the #1 reason for suicide between the ages of 11 and 16 60 percent of seasoned middle school bullies are indicted or charged with a crime by the time they reach 24 years old This book  provides specific details on how to define, identify, and stop bullying, as well as caring for your bullied child and your family. Authors DiMarco and Newman dispel commonly held myths about bullying that include ignoring the bully; conflict resolution (bringing the bullied and the bully together to hash things out); and handing out school suspensions/ detentions.  They offer proven strategies  for moving in swiftly and comprehensively to rehabilitate the bully with a plan of "teaching consequences" designed to compel bullies to be introspective, understanding, and to cease their bullying.  Similarly, their recommendations truly protect victims.  According to John Halligan, internationally respected anti-bullying speaker/advocate and parent, "Currently, there are not any manuals on how to stop your child's torment at the hands of a bully and get back to happiness.  This book will walk you through how to solve your child's issue in an easy to understand and practical way."    "When Your Child is Being Bullied: Real Solutions for Parents, Educators and Other Professionals" is a no-nonsense resource that summarizes each chapter with workable solutions. The final chapter provides a detailed plan on how to navigate community politics and implement anti-bullying policies and protocols as well as collaborating and partnering within school districts. For every parent, educator, administrator, guidance counselor or concerned adult looking for answers, this book is an invaluable reference tool conceived to combat the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that define the life of the bullied.   There is hope, and there is help. Bullying can be stopped. The book is available for $17.99 through major distributors, Vivisphere Publishing, and bookhitch. The title can also be purchased www.solutionsforbullying.com.